I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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