They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
