I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
