btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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