I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
