Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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