you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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