That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
