I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
