I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
