Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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