Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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