I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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