if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
