I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need to calm my uterus...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
