I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize