She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
