So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize