Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
