I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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