your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my mouth tastes like poor choices
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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