I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
