One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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