I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i now understand why vodka
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
