if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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