And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
