Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I touched a dick in church today
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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