i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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