it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
