dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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