i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
