I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
