I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
