I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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