If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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