you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My vagina is officially offended.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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