they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
