there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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