He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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