Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
