Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
