So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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