just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize