it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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