But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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