Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
