And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
