Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize