The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
