Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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