i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
