Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize