I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
