who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
