Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
