Don't you send me to vm
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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