I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
