morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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