you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
