we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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