I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We are two peas in an std pod
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
