Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
