There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
