I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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