I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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