In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
