I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
