i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
