I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
