Sponge bath it is.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
