can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
